A traveler’s education, the sarcastic edition*

When you travel while 6/7 months pregnant, you tend to notice all the kids surrounding you in the airport and on the plane. And you notice how they behave. And how their parents behave. Things we learned traveling to and from Minnesota this past week:
1. If your 9-month-old baby is tired, keep them awake for the 3-hour flight and 1 hour on the runway. It’s important to disrupt your child’s schedule so he/she will sleep when you arrive at your final destination so you can enjoy some ‘alone’ time with your spouse.
2. Do not bring engaging activities to occupy your child for 3+ hours. Instead, entertain them by singing until you go hoarse.
3. Do not teach your children plane etiquette. Kicking the back of the chair, screaming and crying are perfectly acceptable plane activities.
4. Ignore all airline guidelines for carry-on items. Be sure to pack everything from your nursery to safely make the trip from New Jersey to Minnesota.

On a related note, we noticed that while traveling and being obviously pregnant, it is clearly okay to:
1. Not give up your seat on the train for the obviously pregnant woman (OPW) standing next to you. Instead, look down, out the window, anywhere but at her (yes, I could have asked for a seat, but I was fine with standing. It was, however, amusing to watch everyone look anywhere but at me).
2. Push past the OPW walking through the airport. Her balance is keen, much like a drunken gymnast.
3. Get huffy at the OPW for taking the last table in the shade at the airport food court. There are plenty of tables in the sun that are about 10 °F warmer that would be just fine for the red-cheeked OPW who’s guzzling water like a camel.

*Honestly, we know we have a lot to learn about the whole parenting gig, but we hope to have enough common sense to avoid making the same mistakes.

Pregnancy Myth #2?

Much like a pop-up timer on a turkey, pregnant women are supposed to come equipped with a malfunctioning timer – their belly button. I have been told that it is inevitable that an ‘innie’ belly button will, during the 6th month of pregnancy, pop out.

This is my belly button at 27 weeks (just shy of the seventh month). I will readily admit that my belly button is now higher than it used to be (due to my swelling belly) but it does not appear very close to popping up. A little research shows that a few women get to keep their innie belly button. There’s hope for me yet! That same research also revealed that you can keep your belly button piercing during pregnancy. They even make special jewelry for pregnant women!

Goodbye

Toby
1994-2006

Can you puree tuna?

We know we have a lot to learn about the parenting gig, but we didn’t think we’d be purchasing baby food just yet. Why, then, are we in possession of 6 jars of meaty baby food (Gerber, Stage 2, if you must know)?

We wish we could be blithe, funny and whimsical. Sadly, our oldest cat, Toby, is very sick. Over the last three or so weeks, Toby has lost roughly 3 pounds. In the last few days he has stopped eating. We are currently awaiting test results, but in examining Toby’s belly, the vet discovered a large mass in his stomach. Once the test results come back, we will then need to decide whether to proceed with surgery. In the meantime, we are giving him small portions of baby food whenever he seems inclined to eat. So far, he’s enjoyed a few bits of veal. We’ve got chicken, turkey and beef as well.

Anyone know where we can get some fish flavored baby food?

Gus: 3; Wily Jeneric: 1

Today a great day of celebration in the house of Wily Jeneric! The evil Gus has been defeated.

On second look, he doesn’t seem so evil – just hungry. And a little scared. But let us recount the brief tale of how Gus came to be captured.

It had been days since we’d seen Gus. There were no signs of him anywhere – no nibbled plants, no fleeting views of him scampering away, no cats staring out the window with drool on their chin. We knew where his home was – under our house – so we installed a crude Gus detection system (we would have used flour, but have you been keeping up with the storm systems that are flying through the east coast??).

We began to wonder if perhaps another force had ‘captured’ Gus – namely, Route 27 or Plainfield Avenue.

You might imagine how startled we were to return home from lunch one day only to find the Gus detector moved.

And the trap sprung.

Despite pending engagements elsewhere, we leapt into action and committed what might be a felony in New Jersey.

We drove Gus 5 miles from our home, across Routes 1 and 514, across the New Jersey Turnpike and released him to a patch of forest just down the street from a new hotel (aptly named the Palace) and a small housing development.

We wish Gus the best of luck in his new neighborhood. May the cucumbers be sweet, the broccoli tall, and all the ground hog ladies good looking. But please, don’t come back!

Gus: 3; Wily Jeneric: 0

We sat the trap, rather optimistically, in the late afternoon. Eric boldly baited it with a single cherry and we sauntered out the door to find more suitable bait.

We returned to what we’d expected – an empty trap. Not yet deterred, we sliced up the apple, slathered it with peanut butter and set the trap. We went to bed.

Did you know Gus is diurnal? We did but apparently didn’t consider that fact when we set the trap.

Did you know possums are noctural? We did but apparently didn’t consider that fact when we set the trap.

Did you know that possums love apples? We didn’t, but a quick google educated us on that.

So yes, we awoke in the morning to find one rather scared possum in our trap. Eric released him/her, cleaned out the trap and rebaited it for an afternoon catch of Gus.

Pregnancy Myth?

I have been told and have read widely that pregnant women are tastier to mosquitoes. We’re like the sinful sticky bun in the mosquito world.

Why is it, then, that I have been bitten once this entire summer? I have been traipsing about parks and forests, kayaking along various waterways (in two countries!), and frankly, doing everything I can to get bit.

To wit: Tuesday night, we joined the CRSSA folks for a short kayaking* adventure down the DNR canal and Millstone River. I could see the mosquitoes. People were putting on bug spray. Eric was bit repeatedly. Yet I remain bite free, scratch free and pretty smug.

Of course, there’s always Gus…

*Sorry no pictures – we forgot the camera in our haste to get out the door. Rest assured, Jenni wore her life vest the entire time with nary a thought at adjusting the straps.